Of Uncles and Nieces – The Olden Days

Penelope and Uncle Ranson

(An excerpt from Pedanticity Magazine, March 17, 1904 – Author unknown. Private collection.)

In days long past, a niece, especially an older one, that is, above the marriageable age, could be counted upon, over time, to acquire a certain level of subservience to her doting uncle, as shown in the photograph above. This image of Penelope clearly demonstrates such acquiescence as she quite literally bows to Uncle Ranson’s command to present her fundament in a position convenient to chastisement.

And yet this qualification, this acquiescence, was not instantly attained, far from it, and if one carefully examines the look in Penelope’s eyes as she regards the lens in Uncle Ranson’s camera device, one might suppose that her obedience is not without reservation, and perhaps even tinged with reluctance to expose the nether regions of her person to his ministrations, needful though we must assume them to be.

This we must assume, dear reader, because Uncle Ranson is a gentleman and a scholar, and quite knowledgeable in the ways of the world, and especially so in the ways, and yes, the needs, of his niece. Dutiful child, daughter, and niece though she always has tried to be, Penelope at times can act willful and stubborn, all too often unaware of the course that is best for her, a deficit Uncle Ranson ever has attempted to alleviate, though with varying degrees of success. Upon Penelope’s becoming his ward at a rather tender age, he at first, being a bachelor, gave her free rein, ignorant of the fact that an ungoverned child soon becomes ungovernable.

Quickly disabused of his liberal notions through hard experience, he took her in stern but loving hand and instituted a policy of discipline based on the very latest works on the subject to be found in books and magazines. Penelope for her part, so relishing her liberty and license to, in essence, run amok, did not at all welcome this new regimen, and in fact protested loudly, shrilly, and with somewhat frantic physical exertion, against her uncle’s new policy. He, being of sound body as well as mind, and in addition much larger than she, capably carried out the task as prescribed in all the literature, of first removing or pushing aside the clothing from her nether regions, the point of impact as it were, and then of applying the palm of his hand, briskly and firmly, to the undraped place upon which Penelope was wont to sit.

This treatment did not sit well with Penelope, if the reader will pardon the wordplay, nor did she enjoy the time of penitence thereafter, that is, her exile in the corner of Uncle Ranson’s study wherein she stood for thirty long, tedious minutes by the clock on the mantelpiece, while she held up her skirts, her voluminous under drawers an untidy bundle at her trim ankles. Uncle Ranson, on the other hand, felt righteously pleased with his efforts, and deemed his actions laudable, despite the rather stinging effect of Penelope’s accusations whilst under chastisement that he behaved ‘unjustly’ towards her, and that slapping her unclad fundament was ‘simply mean and awful.’ Still, the books and magazine articles had prepared him for such reactions, so he proceeded, his resolve unalloyed, to discipline his niece in the same manner at each occurrence of unruliness, bad manners, sloth, or any other misbehavior of which young girls are capable.

One would surmise, then, that the repeated application of this well researched and well thought out mode of discipline would convince a girl like Penelope to accept her punishment with good grace, or at the very least a moiety of stoicism, but such was not the case, not for a very long time. And not only did her behavior improve only nominally, but her protests and demurrals whilst under correction diminished not in the least, and, if anything, became more strident. But Uncle Ranson persevered despite this seeming lack of progress, unwilling to abandon his design and original intent of protecting his ward from her own worst instincts. When the palm of his hand applied to her flesh no longer caused the tears to flow from her wide eyes, he tried using a short bit of leather trimmed from an old razor strop; when that no longer produced the desired effect, he resorted to a heavy clothes brush, which did indeed draw a copious salt flood, but also left deep bruises, a by-product of the procedure with which the man was not at all pleased.

Immersing himself once again in the literature of domestic discipline and chastisement, he at last found the perfect solution, and hastened to a spa in the Adirondacks to learn at first hand from its most imminent practitioner the application of this powerful and prophylactic technique. Upon his return from a week’s absence, his housekeeper reported, much to his surprise, that Penelope had behaved, if not angelically, at least far less contentiously and contrarily than was her wont when he stopped at home. This puzzled him quite some goodly bit, and he wondered to himself if perhaps the treatment he had instigated all those years before had suddenly and for reasons unknown, finally come to fruition.

In recognition of and reward for her deportment, Uncle Ranson treated Penelope to an evening out at a restaurant, where, much to his dismay, she ate more than her share of the oysters, gobbled nearly all the asparagus with mayonnaise, and had the unmitigated gall to pour champagne for herself when she thought him otherwise occupied in conversation with an acquaintance at another table, even though she already had drunk more than half the magnum. Swallowing his ire at her scandalous public conduct, he made a pretense of equanimity on the cab ride home, while inwardly seething, and determined more than ever to curb the young scalawag’s intransigence.

Upon their arrival at his rooms, he dismissed the housekeeper for the evening, and then instructed Penelope to ready herself for bed. None to his surprise, she demurred, and suggested, or rather insisted, that they play cribbage and have a sherry. It must be assumed that it was not entirely to her surprise that rather than follow her suggestion, he seated himself on the Chesterfield, flung her across his knees, uncovered her sit-upon, and proceeded to turn it rosy red with his palm as well as with the leather strap he always kept in the drawer of a side table within easy reach. Her usual protests and struggles accompanied the thrashing, of course, perhaps even more vehemently and loudly than usual, owing to the presence of wine, but afterwards, when he had done heating her nether parts to quite a fierce temperature indeed, she was taken aback at his order, not to repair to the corner for her penance, but to go immediately to her boudoir.

Still amazed at Uncle Ranson’s unwonted behavior, she hurried to do his bidding before he changed his mind, all unsuspecting of the further chastisement in store for her. While she undressed in preparation for bed, and between times languidly rubbed the source of her most recent sting, Uncle Ranson carefully prepared the instrument of her further correction. He entered her room without knocking, and caught her half dressed, her nightgown scarcely over her head and the rest of her as unclothed as the day she was born, but he paid no heed to her discomfiture, simply strode the width of the room and took hold of her while she frantically covered herself with the nightgown. But then her eyes nearly started from their sockets when she beheld the device in his other hand, and being an intelligent and well-read girl despite her contrariness, instantly recognized it for what it was, and her heart sank even as her protests rang to the ceiling.

Well used to ignoring her complaints and remonstrations against his chastisements, he calmly but firmly pushed Penelope to the bedside, bended her upon the high four-poster so that her feet could not touch the floor, and being careful to stand clear of her vigorous kicks, whisked up her gown to expose once again his target of operation. Then he leaned his elbow upon her back while telling her quite sincerely that this new procedure would go forward despite anything she might say or do, which had the effect of turning her complaints to pleas that he spare her such humiliation. Steeling himself against her piteous cries, he opened the cleft in her still rosy fundament, but was forced to stop, set down the apparatus, and deliver a few dozen smart slaps along with a very strict scolding, which finally convinced her to remain still and endure the inevitable.

Once again he parted her nether mounds, espied the tiny portal into which the tip of the device was to be inserted, and with no more ado, inserted it. Her face and bosom reddened with shame, but he remained steadfast, and pushed the plunger to fill her bowel with warm water, all the while she wailed wordlessly and piteously. Once all the liquid had been introduced into her body, he carefully removed the tip, and admonished her to hold it inside while she listened carefully to his words. He told her in no uncertain terms that such discipline would occur often if she did not mend her ways and mind her manners; that he still would thrash her for smaller transgressions, but that for more serious misbehavior, he would not hesitate to resort to this more serious discipline.

He was a man of his word, and did indeed subject Penelope to the clyster several times more over the following months, but to excellent effect. Although she still gave him reason to upend and thrash her nether parts from time to time, she became more compliant and less obstreperous during her chastisement, until finally he was able merely to instruct her to uncover her fundament and present it for punishment, and she obeyed, with, of course, the unspoken threat of that dreadful insertion ever present in her mind.

And that is how you see her at the top of this article, dear reader, not entirely willing, but nevertheless able, to do as her steadfast, determined, and loving uncle instructs.