Here’s a bit of fun for Lewis Carroll fans – spanko Lewis Carroll fans, that is. Philip Kemp read my parody of “The Voice” and it inspired him (I’m so proud) to write this version of “You Are Old, Father William,” which is itself a parody by Carroll, and post it in the comments section, so I dug through the archives and found my own take on it.
By the way, I started reading Kemp’s Blushing At Both Ends and I highly recommend it. I haven’t finished it yet (there was this party I had to go to, see, and …) but when I do I’ll write a more comprehensive review.
And in case anyone is interested, Kemp wins the duel hands down. I’m not sure if he’s better at this because he’s English and I only write in English or what, but I will present the better riff first.
So thanks for sharing this with us, Philip Kemp, it really is terrific. (Wonder if he’ll let me call him Phil.)
***
Philip Kemp’s version of “You Are Old, Father William,” posted 12 March 2009.
“You’re so lovely, my darling,” the young man said,
“And your bottom is rounded and white,
Yet I think it would look even prettier red,
So you’re getting a spanking tonight.”
“There’s no cause for a spanking,” his girlfriend replied,
“My behaviour has been very good,
I haven’t been bratty, or naughty, or lied;
So I really can’t see why you should.”
“That’s quite true, my sweetheart,” her boyfriend agreed,
“Your behaviour’s been utter perfection,
So it isn’t a punishment, dear, that you need
But a loving erotic correction.”
“That’s really not fair,” the sweet maiden demurred,
“For there’s nothing you need to correct.
Oh no, don’t shake your head! My defence should be heard,
That’s the least I’ve the right to expect.”
“Oh, I’ll hear you, my angel,” he answered with glee,
“I’ll attend to each word with great care.
But I listen much better when you’re ‘cross my knee
With your bottom upended and bare.”
“Oh please!” she protested, “No, don’t! Let me go!
I’ll be good! Oww, that hurts! Oh you swine!
Oww! Oh no, not the hairbrush – it’s stinging me so!
Please, your hand does the business just fine!”
“Your bottom is blushing as sweetly, my dear,”
Said he, “as a rose, I assure you.
And the hot loving spanks I’ve bestowed on your rear
Are proof of how much I adore you.”
“I love you, you beast,” she exclaimed with a pout,
“Though you cause my poor bottom such pain.
Come on, let’s to bed; after which, I’ve no doubt,
I shall want you to spank me again!”
***
Devlin’s version, posted here 26 March 2008, including introductory comment.
With all due respect and apologies to Lewis Carroll, here’s a version of ‘You Are Old, Father William’ that even the Caterpillar couldn’t have imagined, regardless what he was smoking in that hookah:
“You are old, Uncle Devlin,” the young niece said,
“And your hair has become very gray,
“And yet you continue to spank me quite red,
“Can you not act your age for one day?”
“In my youth,” Uncle Devlin replied to young Gwen,
“I feared acting so reckless and bold,
“But now I’ve acknowledged your most basic yen,
“I will ne’er let your bottom grow cold.”
“You are old,” said the niece, “Are you listening to me?
“And must give your tired body a rest,
“Yet you spank me for hours and chortle with glee,
“At your age, do you think that is best?”
“In my youth,” said the sage, and he furrowed his brow,
“I failed to give spankings when needed,
“This deficit haunts, and so I pay it out now,
“And shall ‘til the debt is exceeded.”
“You are old!” said the niece with a petulant frown,
“And you really can’t handle the stress,
“So roll down your sleeves, and let’s go out on the town,
“’Cause honestly, my bottom’s a mess!”
Dev, many thanks for your generous comments – both about my Carroll pastiche and about BABE (purely fortuitous acronym, believe it or not). I certainly hadn’t intended a duel, since I had no idea you’d also tackled ‘You Are Old, Father William’ – and if I had, I’d probably have avoided it and tried another Carroll poem instead. (Maybe ‘Jabberwocky’ – now that would be a challenge…)
And I definitely don’t agree that I’ve ‘won hands down’. You’ve stuck a lot closer to the original than I have, while still subverting its content – which, I always reckon, is the true aim of a pastiche.
Incidentally, I’m currently working on an even more ambitious pastiche project – the ‘Missing Spanking Canto’ from Pope’s ‘The Rape of the Lock’. I’m getting there, but it ain’t easy – those fluent iambic pentameter couplets are a lot harder to get right than they look.
Brotherly bardic greetings
Phil
(Yes, of course you can)
I’m going to regret saying this, but I think Uncle D. rewrote Jabberwocky last year. I just did a Blog search for it but unfortunately nothing came up.
Darn. *G*
xoxo
You are right, Gwen, about Dev doing a parody of Jabberwocky, but the reason you couldn’t find it in a search is because he didn’t title it Jabberwocky. Dev actually posted it twice, the first time on August 28, 2007 titled ‘And now for something completely different…’ and it was the third post on the newly born Devlin O’Neill’s Weblog, and the second time was on January 31, 2008 titled ‘Jabberpanty.’ In a comment to his first post I actually had the chutzpah to do my own parody titled ‘JabberDevlin’ and Dev was a gentleman and didn’t laugh at me too much.
Giving my history lesson I forgot to comment on the current post. I declare that the winner is WE, the readers, as we get to sample two talented writers creating gems for our spanking enjoyment. Great work Phil and Dev, and all I can say is duel away fellows and keep them coming.
Having read Phil’s ‘Blushing At Both Ends’ – love the acronym BABE – I heartily agree with Dev that it is excellent and I also highly recommend it to all. I can’t wait for your next book to come out. Phil, and am especially looking forward to see what you do with Pope’s ‘The Rape of the Lock.’
You’re more than welcome, Phil. I’m delighted to have you around to bard about with.
But you’re going to riff on POPE? Zounds and egad, as we say in Lubbock! That’s awfully ambitious, but not altogether surprising after what you did with the lost chapter from Jane Eyre. (It’s in BABE, guys – ‘Blushing At Both Ends’) Though frankly I don’t see how flowing iambic pentameter can be any tougher to handle than ‘Father William’ – I mean, come on! A meter scheme of 11-9-12-9, and then 12-9-12-9? God’s holey trousers!
And just so you know, your Emily Brontë bit inspired, much after the fact (I read it in the Shadow Lane magazine quite some time ago) my similar riff, the lost snippet from Twain, which wasn’t nearly as long, though I did have fun inventing the background facts, which you may note closely mirrored yours.
Actually I wrote ‘Jabberpanty’ a goodly while ago, right after a Shadow Lane party where I engaged in a bit of age-play. In fact I introduced Jessie to one of the girls referred to here as ‘my daughter’ this past weekend, and she totally bought it until I said, “Not really.” Anyway, if you need to come up for air and a bit of R&R after wrestling with Pope, messing with LC is always fun.
‘Jabberpanty’
‘Twas brillig, and the frisky does
Did blath and blinger in the wabe,
All flimsy were their underclothes,
And Devlin’s eyes did stabe.
“Beware of fancy drawers, my dears,
So silky soft, so lacy fine,
And stretch no thong inside sweet rears;
‘Tis an evil, rude design!”
So rolled their eyes at his remark,
And headed to the nearest mall,
To seek more undies, light and dark,
Thongs, bikinis, tap pants, all.
One, two! One, two! and through and through
The credit cards went snicker-snack,
With lingerie, but not a clue,
They careened, all smilish, back.
“And hast thou bought more underthings?
Then bend and bare, my naughty ones!
You’ll learn how Papa’s hard hand stings
Misbehaving daughters’ buns!”
‘Twas brillig, and the frisky does
Did blath and blinger in the wabe,
All flimsy were their underclothes,
And Devlin’s eyes did stabe.
Superb, Dev. I wouldn’t even think of trying to rival you on that one. But once I ‘ve wrestled old Alex to a standstill (it’s not the metre as such that’s a toughie, it’s the Olympian smoothness of his scansion), I might just have a go at The Hunting of the Snark. (The Hunting of the Spank?)
Thanks, Phil, and yes, Snark would be good. It’s written in ‘fits’ already, and we all know what happens to girls who pitch fits. Except you’re English so probably you’ll have to do yours in ‘strops.’
And actually that’s what I meant about yours above – scans as smoothly as a buttered bottom. (!)
Gentlemen, many thanks!
Lewis Carroll is dear to my heart, and your parodies of his parodies are brilliant!
What about “The White Knight’s Song?”
Say… odd coincidence, isn’t it, to think of “Professor D?”
Wolfie, hearing a Boojum just outside and rousing everyone with muffins
“The time has come,” the Spanker said,
“To deal with every brat
“For shoes untied, and tongues stuck out,
“And not cleaning the flat
“And why they must do corner time
“For some of this and that…”
Dr. Ken
All right, Dr. Ken! Maybe I’ll change the name of this blite to ‘Parodists R Us.’ *G*
Great work, Dr. Ken, and I like ‘Parodists R Us,’ Bro. Very catchy and full of franchise opportunities starting in Las Vegas – soon to be relocating to Florida, Minnesota – two sites, Boston and New Jersey.
A word to the wise.
Girls, if you ever happen to end up over Uncle Phil’s lap DO NOT TEASE HIM ABOUT HIS POETRY, bad bad things happen if you do this.
He also has a habit of spitting out little limericks. These do not come from fortune cookies (something else never to say to him).
Nice rendition of “Father William” guys.
Jay
‘… come from fortune cookies’
LOLOL, that’s a great zinger for these gentlemen, Jay, I’ll have to remember that one.
Welcome!
Hear that, girls, Jay has given you fair warning about Phil, but somehow I don’t see that as curbing your natural brat tendencies. Once over his lap your tart remarks will ensure an even ouchier experience, right, Gwen, cj, Kristina and Season?
Only if we’re caught and put over a lap, Michael. *G*
But, Gwen, you always get caught, even if you only let us. *G*
[Shhhh, that's our secret!] *G*
Okay, mum’s the word.
hmmm…i thought this caring Phillip character was in England….not New England…. i should be safe!
Actually, I thought Phil was in Pennsylvania.
really? hmmm…that is still very far away! England is nice – he should look into it.
LOL, I’m sure Phil will immediately take your advice, Kristina, and is calling his travel agent as we speak.
You’re quite right, Kristina, this caring character (just one L in Philip, thanks) is indeed in England, as young Jay well knows. But he visits the US from time to time, so don’t assume you’ll be safe from any deserved retribution that may be due….
The PA connection, Michael, is my good friends Harry and Rhonda, who live not far from Harrisburg and host quite superb spanking parties several times a year. My gf Maggie and I attend as often as we can afford it, and always have a great time.
I read about you and your friends in Pennsylvania on the Spanking Scouts and that is what confused me. Thanks for clearing that up, Philip – one L – and if a naughty brat misspells your name after it has been spelled correctly on this blog many times that gives you the right to *impress* upon her bum the correct spelling. Kristina, report to Phil this instant.
Thanks, Michael – and if Kristina cares to call in, I’ll be happy to give her L.
LOL Yes, Phil, you would definitely give her L.
You Americans are lucky.
I think I’m going to regret that comment.
Twas only a joke Uncle Phil, promise.
The Americans are lucky for lots and lots of reasons but the fact remains that they cannot spell “colour” or “honour” and they do appear to serve tea in (I shudder to say it) cans.
I am off to lie in a darkened room to recover.
One L in Philip- got it.
We should send the spare L to somewhere with an L shortage- waste not , want not and all that.
sorry about the extra L most forgiving Philip, but i did get the location right….Michael!
I agree Poppy – their spelling is attrocious (is that how you spell that?)
!!!
Well, drat! I took some me time yesterday with a good book (BABE, as a matter of fact) and missed a spelling lesson, and you know I live for those. (One T in atrocious, Kristina.) But it looks like everything, and everyone, is well in hand, so thanks Michael and Phil (one L, and just BTW Michael’s ‘Philadelphia’ joke apparently slipped past everyone save me – or did I miss something?) for taking up the slack.
Must go and open another can of tea to invigorate for the day ahead.
HonoUrably and coloUrfully,
Dev
I did wonder if there was an awful pun lurking in Michael’s post – but isn’t that usually Philly rather than Phil?
Honored (sic) that my book proved such a distraction….
Perhaps I did read too much into that, but Michael has been known to reach for a pun before. He learnt that from me, I’m afraid. *G*
Yes, I’m quite enjoying the stories, Phil. I shouldn’t say too much because I’m going to do a review, but I especially like the way you and your protagonists handle unruly actresses. That really speaks to me.
LOL – one T, got it…;)
Ummm Mr Devlin, Sir. I have to say that there is one story in BABE that i read over and over. ‘Bikini line’ Absolutly fantastic story.
If anyone does not have a copy of BABE, buy one now!!!!!
I did get the pun about Philadelphia but in fear of my poor innocent bottom decided to keep my gob shut.
I have thought about re naming him Phillipa though….. i said I had thought about it, I’m not going to actually do it! I’m not that crazy.
Jay – if you do, young lady, you should bear in mind that 1) the name in question is spelt Philippa and 2) you can forget about sitting down in comfort for rather a long period….
Thanks for the rave review of BABE, though, sweet brat.
Jay, seems you are in your natural state, getting into trouble with your Uncle Phil. And though it may get you into more trouble please don’t “keep my gob shut” as you so indelicately put it about yourself. Fun and exuberance are encouraged around here, though the girls usually raise it to such a cheeky level it leaves them sore-bummed and contrite. Well, sore-bummed anyway. *G*
Phil and Dev, awful puns are my bread and butter. I love rye humoUr.
Actually Aunt…er Uncle Phil. Phillipa can be spelt both ways, it depends on how one would STRESS it. >:)
Thanks Michael for the kind words of advice but as I’m sure my Aun…er Uncle Phil will tell you, I need no encouragement with regards to my bratty behaviour. I assure you, my exuberance and fun levels sneer at boundary lines and warnings. :-p
I can see that you need no encouragement, Jay, and I am sure you will be hearing very shortly and ouchily from your UNCLE PHILIP.
Oh, she will.
Jay, my sweet brat, of course any name can be misspelt – there are misguided people who insist on calling themselves Mee-shell or Kayte – but the correct spelling of Philippa is: Philippa. And even if you put in a superfluous L and leave out a P, the stress doesn’t change. I shall demonstrate as much the next time we get together, perhaps with the help of my favourite rosewood paddle….
Ummm did I mention that I have only the greatest respect for you and that I love you lots…
Did I also fail to mention that sometimes my twin sister …..er Kay often nicks my laptop? She gets me into all kinds of trouble.
Failing that, I have a one way ticket booked to….um….Siberia. See you in 10 years.
Excellent, Phil, excellent. And if we’re lucky maybe we will hear a report on how your meeting with Jay goes. Only if both parties agree, of course.
Owe me a Guinness, Jay.
LOL The evil twin! My ex-wife always said she had an evil twin whenever it was convenient.
I seem to remember a similar figure shows up in the famous Castle Anthrax scene in ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’. (“A spanking! A spanking! And then the oral sex!”)
A scene that is sadly notorious for not being brought to its rightful conclusion.
Michael, the only way in which you will get to read the report on my meeting with Uncle Phil is if you visit my blog.
I have met with Uncle Phil three times now..um.. purely in the intrests of seeing what all this spanking stuff was about.
Pray tell, why do I owe you a guinness? I do not recall a bet made between us?
Okay, there was ‘naughty, wicked, evil Zoot’ (Carol Cleveland) who set alight the Grail shaped beacon to lure Galahad to the castle, and then there was the ‘good’ twin (also Carol Cleveland) whose character name totally escapes me. Can anyone give me some help?
Was it Dingo?
Sorry- my mistake, forgot the side order of extra help.
“Can anyone give me some help?”
Yes- of course I can, in a range of areas.
1) Was it Dingo?
2) Spelling- if in doubt include a “U”
3) If a girl’s eyes are wide enough then she really is sorry and should be forgiven with no further ado.
4) Multiple exclamation marks are a cry for help and should not be rewarded with any kind of chastisement.
There- if you need any more help let me know- you know what I am here for.
Poppy is correct. The “good twin” was Dingo.
Dr. Ken
Dingo is correct Poppy. Very good. You are our own film historian. Excellent!
Jay, if you remember, when Season gave you some rules of this blog one of them is if two people post a comment at the same time whoever points it out first gets a beer from the other. We posted comments at 11:54 am Dev’s time so I made the claim and upgraded to a Guinness.
Would love to visit your blog, Jay, but when I click on your name this blog appears instead of yours. Next time you comment please list your blog address in the Website field.
um not sure how to leave a blog addy but I’ll try anyway.
http://jflamesjourney.blogspot.com/
Thank you and all rewards should be in the form of chocolate and given to the brat nearest to you- share the love I say.
And also share the spanks with your sister brats, right, Poppy?
Thanks, Jay. Love the countdown clock to your birthday. Getting close to your special day and I hope you get a few birthday spankings. Speaking of birthdays someone has one coming up VERY soon.
sharing chocolate – yes, sharing spanks – NO!
Oh, you want them all for yourself, Kristina? Well, that can be arranged….
Hi Jay! Welcome! The tips for newbies can be found in comment #9 in Devlin’s post from March 10th. It covers what will get you into trouble around here. It is not all inclusive, though. There is something ironically called Top Logic around here and they are always thinking up new ways to trick us.
One main tip that bears repeating is to not use a certain forbidden word, especially when writing limericks. As in:
There was a young lady from Glasgow, with a spanking that made her _ _ _ glow.
I don’t know what would get you in trouble with Phil, but if you hum a few bars . . .
*G*
Would that be @rse then Season?
The only thing i can think of that would get me in trouble with Uncle Phil is if I called him Auntie Phillipa with 2 L’s. lol 
Thank you for reminding me of ‘Dingo,’ Poppy. Well, perhaps not reminding me because that still rings (or ringos) no bell. But I suppose if parents can name one twin Zoot they might as well name the other Dingo. Perhaps I didn’t pay as much attention to the dialog as I should have. In any case your reward soon will be in the mail, or the post if you prefer though I know you’re pretty good at translating.
Jay, I suspect there are a myriad of reasons to be in trouble with your Uncle Phil, and I’m sure he will explain them to you as you go along. And thanks for the link to Jflame’s Journey. I put it over on the right in the Blog Roll. I see you already have us listed on yours, so thanks for that as well!
Now that’s done – Poppy, Poppy, POPPY! Number 3 in your ‘helpful’ list gave me a chuckle. Forgive you anything and everything because you widen your eyes at me, and take no further action? Really, the more I think of such absurdity the funnier it gets, so thanks for the laugh. The laugh is helpful – the suggestion of course is balderdash and a half.
-Dev
Phil, I think Kristina is ignoring your comment. In fact I’m sure she is, and probably hiding in the basement while she does so. It’s wonderful to have another sharp Top around here.
Cool, thanks Mr Devlin Sir.
Yes I’m sure that Uncle Phil has much that he can teach me. He’s already mentioned my spelling and grandma so thats good.
Thanks for making me feel welcome.
You ARE very welcome, Jay, and that was cute – ‘grandma’ for ‘grammar’ – though Phil may well use a phrase similar to or exactly like ‘too cute for your own good’ in your presence at some point. *G*
And just BTW, young lady, what are you doing up at 1 am on a school night, hmm? The very idea!
Ummm I’m a teacher at the school sir. I’m allowed to be up this late…..just dont tell Uncle Phil.
Hmmm Grammar, got it….thanks.
i was not hiding professor! i knew that sharp and sensitive Philip with one L was only teasing…
i was making cupcakes for st. paddy’s day!
Teachers need sleep too, Jay, but mum’s the word. I won’t say a thing to PHILIP KEMP about his young friend STAYING UP ALL THE NIGHT GETTING INTO MISCHIEF. Wouldn’t dream of it, ever. Really.
Yay! SPD cupcakes – chocolate fudge cake with emerald green mint icing I hope. My favorites, those. You’ll put a dozen in the mail for me, yeah?
yup! they are chocolate with cream cheese icing and green sugar sprinkled on top!
i will tuck one into an envelope for you and we can forget all about that little incident….
ONE? You think one cupcake is going to save your naughty bottom from a good smacking, missy?
Well, okay, but I want extra green sugar sprinkles.
lol – i am not THAT naughty…but i will send two just in case
Hmmm Dev shouldn’t you be getting rest too? I mean you are almost a year older!
Hi JFlame! Welcome to the brat blog —ooooppps I mean Devs blog.
Fun stuff! Thanks from a longtime Lewis Carroll fan….
Hey, Magus! Thanks for the kudos but don’t tell me you haven’t done any of these LC riffs. The way you nailed P.G. Wodehouse, I assume you write stuff like this in your sleep. *G*
And that’s right, CJ, DEV’S blog –
Devlin O’Neill’s Web Log!
Produced by Gwen, Michael and Dev!
Starring an international cast of renowned Tops, Bottoms and Switches!
Directed by … uh … universal spanking synergy? Yeah, that’ll do.
BRAT ALERT
“ONE? You think one cupcake is going to save your naughty bottom from a good smacking, missy?
Well, okay, but I want extra green sugar sprinkles”
Dev lets brats off spankings in return for cup cakes.
I will go and get the stuff to make them (who can spell ingrediants anyway?)
CJ – can you train your alpacas to work a huge turning spoon?
Season – we may need the biggest bowl in the world
Kristina – sprinkles – some sort of device to explode sprinkles everywhere
Jay- I think somehow that you may need to be in on this- maybe you could build a huge fire to bake them?
Once we have made about four thousand that should keep us all free from retribution for about a week (ish).
Your wide eyed and innocent
Poppy
Dev,
“In any case your reward soon will be in the mail, ”
Well thanks very much – but I think that chocolate will melt so you can just keep it with you.
“Forgive you anything and everything because you widen your eyes at me, and take no further action”
Well firstly thank you for saying you would do that (have time to read the whole post? No, afraid I did not, I am a busy girl) but also you will notice I was speaking about all brats and not me at all. I am always innocent and would never do anything wrong to lead me to make wide eyes as a protest of innocence. I am the very embodiment of innocence. No that helpful suggestion was for all the other girls that you know who seem to get into terrible amounts of trouble. I could never be counted among their number.
Yeah ok Poppy, I’ll make the fire but don’t blame me if I burn something down, you gave me the matches.
Whats a cup cake?
I usually make muffins, normally double choc chip or rum rasin. If that dosent work maybe one of my Lemon Drissle split cream sponge cakes will work.
Ummm ok I have a question.
Are the brats here supposed to refer to Mr Devlin as Professor or sir?
And what about that Michale dude? Is it a first name basis thing or should that be Sir as well?
ARGH!!!!!!! I hate being a newbie!
Jay – You can call them anything but late for dinner.
You should know, there will never be a time on this blog when you will feel like you know everything that is going on. No one does.
It’s like an ongoing game of jump rope – the kind where two people turn the rope and the rest of us just try to jump in wherever we can. Whenever the rope gets tripped up, we just pick it up and start all over again.
Cup cakes are cakes baked in muffin tins. Usually they are known for having thick sweet frosting on top, and some kind of sprinkles. Or sometimes “cup cake” is used as a term of endearment. Devlin O’Neill may be referred to as Professor Cup Cake, because he’s such sweetie!
Jay the only rules I know of our:
Dev pet peeves:
The words: ass, thong and alright…
Grammar Grammar Grammar
no multiple !!!!!!
use commas correctly (not like me)
Blog Rule:
If you post at the same time as another person, be the first to tell them they owe you a beer or they will.
Michael:
Hates to be called “Sir Michael”
Anything I forgot? Season, Gwen, Kristina, Poppy and Amanda?
*smirk* sir cup cake…hee hee
i am in charge of an explosive device!!! alright!!!!!!!
(cj – you are in trouble when they see that last post…twice
)
Right, well thats nice and clear…..in a really murky kinda way.
Ok so it’s Professor Devlin, Squire Michael and I’ll just stick with Uncle Phil. Cool, got it, sorted.
As far as the grammer goes, well it’ll have to be hit and miss cos I’m not so good at that kinda stuff. Spelling is a hit and miss so I guess thats out too.
Just gimme a shout if I miss anything.
Now. Something more serious.
What the hell have you done to me!? I just posted two poems on me blog? Wassup with that?
I can forsee me turning into a cultured brat if I hang around here too much.
Now. Something more serious.
What the hell have you done to me!? I just posted two poems on me blog? Wassup with that?
I can forsee me turning into a cultured brat if I hang around here too much.
ROFL
Jay don’t worry they have not ruined me yet!
Poppy I have the alpacas ready to stir away…but don’t blame me if a few beans sneak in…
Any further mention of this ‘Professor Cup Cake’ nonsense will get the transgressor a smacked bottom quicker than boiled asparagus, see if I don’t! The very idea!
And if CJ’s alpacas are stirring the batter I’ll take a pass on these mass-produced muffins, okay? I mean, YEESH!
As to Kristina’s being put in charge of an explosive device, I checked with my friend at NATO and he said that such was expressly prohibited by the Geneva Arms Limitation Accords of 1966, to which the US is a signatory. Sorry, Kristina.
Poppy, I have just been to the drugstore (chemist’s) and found your reward for all this ‘innocence’ you’re claiming. It has been mailed (posted) in a plain brown wrapper.
Jay, around here the word ‘sir’ usually is intended ironically if not mockingly, and never is required. Its sincere and respectful usage, however, is instantly recognizable and always appreciated.
I have a bit to post on this blite, Jay, but then I’ll hurry over to yours and read the poems.
-Dev
“Nowt wrong with a little culture is there?”
Nowt at all, Jay, especially Spike Milligan’s version of it. I’d never heard that, but it sure sounds like his stuff. Thanks for starting my day off right!
Oh – I’m referring to one of the poems Jay posted on her blog, guys. You should have a look. It’s poetry, yeah, but it won’t rub off and make you too posh, I promise.
If we’re into favourite (funny) poems, I’ve always loved AE Housman’s reworking of Longfellow’s ridiculous ‘Excelsior’:
The shades of night were falling fast
And rain was falling faster
When through an Alpine village passed
An Alpine village pastor.
Thanks, Phil – like that one. If Season gets a minute she’ll probably do the next stanza. *G*
CJ
Bring on the beans I say. (I am ignoring what Dev wrote because it struck me as downright mean.) So beans- yes, lets, lots!
The pastor past a house so dim
He paused a moment to look in
What he saw made him want to bake
It was a Professor called Cupcake
awww…but Dev…how about a small explosion!
just enough to sprinkle a few dozen cupcakes!!
promise
Poppy! Not even! Report to my study this instant.
Kristina, no! Explosions are for Chemistry and Physics majors – not for brilliant girls trying to cure breast cancer. Now behave yourself.
Working on my own Carroll pastiche and will post once it is just right.
How about certified Fireworks lighters, Professor?
I still have all my fingeres too!
dang it fingers
Sure, CJ – ALL your ‘fingeres’ I’m sure. *G*
Magus! Brilliant! Can’t wait! Email me when you’re ready – devlin5131@aol.com and we’ll make a post of it.
Um … too much pressure? Post it as a comment and we’ll go from there. *G*
I’m watching ‘Saving Grace.’ Wednesday Addams as Grace’s sidekick, with a child borne of her brother. Brilliant! No, it isn’t – but given Grace’s issues Wednesday needs a bit of something besides cute to fit on the show.
Okay, you didn’t need to know that.
Carry on.
Holly Hunter has a nice enough bum, but she’s a little on the thin side for my taste….
That pretty much sums up all I know about “Saving Grace”, although I see that Season 1 is available on DVD….
Dr. Ken
The thing is … the camera ADDS ten pounds! Can you imagine Holly Hunter in person?
(I saw Clare Fonda at the party – she of the ‘Girl Spanks Girl’ video site – AMAZINGLY tiny woman. I nearly didn’t recognize her.)
Total brat that she is, you’d still want to cuddle Holly Hunter, and make her eat a roast beef sandwich on whole wheat bread with avocado and real mayonnaise, with ice cream and fudge sauce for dessert, for crying out loud.
And THEN spank her.
Christina Ricci as Grace’s sidekick – same thing only more so. Child stars need SERIOUS help from older, caring men – not hookups with Academy Award winning bulemics – right?
We’ll sort her out – you, me, the rest of our usual suspects. Christina Ricci is now our pet project – because the professor says so. Okay, she gets paid a bazillion dollars a day for the TV show, plus all those residuals from the Addams Family movies, but is it RIGHT she should be that skinny? No.
Healthy firm fannies are required here, in Devlin’s world, and Ms. Ricci ought to have one for me to spank. QED
And not for nothing, but everyone out there – my friends and cohorts, my co-producers and co-conspirators, my delightful panties-down accomplices in the act, and my hard handed brethren in bottom warming – all of you have a happy, safe, sane and consensual St. Patrick’s Day.
Everyone is Irish today, even Scots who are so Scottish we bleed Frazier tartan. (Not sure which one – the Fraziers have three tartans registered, and they all look about the ruddy same to me.)
So Erin Go freaking Bragh today, mates!
I ruddy love you all.
-Devlin O’ Freaking Neill
(Hm? Cheap scotch and soda. Why do you ask?)
A very, very, very happy birthday to you.
And why drink cheap scotch on your birthday? Go on, crack open the good stuff.
I’m saving that for Florida. *G*
Is there a shortage? I am certain that Florida will lead to MORE good scotch.
It is your birthday, you have a duty to the Irish and the Scots (and the Scotch) to celebrate in the way that they would wish. Take it from the daughter of an Irish woman – now is the time for the good stuff!
Okay, okay – she sent it to me and I’ll ruddy well open it tomorrow, the good stuff that is.
(Peachy, sipping from Kipling’s flask) “Glenlivet, 12 years old.”
(Kipling) “You’ve an educated taste in whisky.”
(Peachy) “I’ve an educated taste in whisky and women, waist coats and bills of fare, though I’ve had few chances to exercise it lately because … ”
And so on and so forth.
Somehow someone in England got the idea that I like that sort of thing, 12-year-old scotch, and sent me some a few weeks ago – a whole huge giant enormous bottle of it, which apparently one can put into the post via the internet, and tomorrow after the attorney’s visit I’ll open the ruddy thing, just to show her.
The very idea, sending me stuff I truly enjoy, and thinking that such a thing will somehow get her off a strictly smacked bottom.
I have to say instead that her behind will be more thoroughly swatted than otherwise, once the peat-fired liquor emblazons my arms.
Just so she knows.
D
Belated happy birthday, Dev, and I trust you found a suitably deserving female to receive your birthday spanking. (Just in case any of you young ladies are wondering, that’s how it works: on your birthdays you get spanked, and on our birthdays we spank you. Well, works for me, anyway….)
‘Emblazons’? Coats-of-arms on your arms? Hmmm….
Magus, you did the PGW pastiche on the Shadow Lane site? Utterly brilliant. Can’t wait to see your Lewis Carroll.
Thank you, Sir Philip. In fact, you were kind enough to send me a congratulatory message (through Eve, I think) on the Wodehouse story, which I greatly appreciated.
“‘Emblazons’?”
Inblazens? Hey, I was more than half lit last night so cut me some slack. And thanks for the not at all belated birthday greeting, Phil.
Uh oh. After that buildup you’d best rock LC’s socks off, Magus. *G*
“Somehow someone in England got the idea that I like that sort of thing”
Well, if I see such a silly English girl I will be sure to pass on your message and the accompanying threat/promise/whatever. Normally my countrywomen show such good sense, I cannot imagine what can have happened for her to make such a schoolgirl error.
did anyone catch the bare bottom spanking on Saving Grace last night?
Don’t think that programme’s shown in the UK yet. Tell us more, Kristina.
lol – well, it was a F/m scene, short but really hot and funny!
it was unexpected and we got to see his bum! i will see if i can find it on youtube
Uncle Phil, I no your old but please DO NOT show your age like that……. in public I mean!!!
Yes ‘Saving Grace’ is shown over here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geez, step away from the spanking DVD’s!
Jay, young lady, you are storing up major trouble for yourself.
Yes, I know SG is shown over here – what I was saying was that – as far as I know – the episode Kristina’s referring to hasn’t screened here yet.
Now, which would you prefer – rosewood or mahogany? Or maybe both?
it is nice that she gets a choice
k, I am sure Michael and or Dev would give you a choice too!
hrumph!! i have not given either of them cause to threaten rosewood or mahogany! i doubt they even have anything made from either….
Wow that sounds like a dare to me. Hmmmmmmm
Kitty (not Kitty Eyes) sometimes uses a wood called Amboyne Burl to make lovely paddles. She uses many other exotic hardwoods as well, though I don’t currently own any. Probably I’ll start you off with leather, Kristina – I do have a beautiful London Tanners model. Hm? Because that definitely sounded like a dare to me too!
*G*
Jay? Oh, Jay! Funny – she was here just a bit ago.
I missed the ‘Saving Grace’ episode, which is just as well. They really do like showing off her boyfriend’s bare buns, but my favorite was the one last year where Grace was tied naked to the bed for the first three minutes of the show. CUTE bottom.
it wasn’t a dare!!! promise!
(backing up with hands on bottom)
Kristina!
You are so brave! A triple exclamation mark and the old, “It wasn’t a dare, it was a promise.” line.
Wow! I am amazed with all of us really good girls around here (thats CJ and I in case anyone was confused) how you manage to ignore our very good examples and continue to be so bad.
I will sit here and shake my head sadly at all this.
(Have you attached the bell to Dev yet?)
CJ!! POPPY!!! you are twisting my words and trying to get my bottom blistered on purpose!!!
*sniff* what caring brats, they grow up so fast….
Poppy, Do you know how to twist a word? I am not sure of what k is talking about. Any ideas?
K is hysterical with needing. Hmmmm….what could she need?
Any ideas anyone?
Answers on a postcard please.
sounds like this kristina needs a hug….and maybe a cupcake!
“on March 18, 2009 at 3:42 pm an annonymous commenter”
I believe an imposter is amongst us! Call the exterminator! Quickly men in black we need to send this alien back to its own planet!
ROFL nice try k
No, I agree with her. She needs a cupcake…a certain Professor Cupcake!
Hah! Hoisted on your own petard Kristina!
[...] poem You Are Old, Father William, written by English spanking author Philip Kemp and found here on Devlin O’Neill’s blog: “You’re so lovely, my darling,” the young man said, [...]